Journal - Day #4

Today's Score: 59

I don't have much to say tonight.

I want more. I want to want something.

I will say that increasing this score has not been a focus. Thoughts have been racing.

Some things did go well today, like getting my license from the DMV finally. I had to jump through so many hoops to get it.

The real problem lie in avoidance. I can feel it creeping completely into my life because I have been overwhelmed with not knowing my purpose to be on this Earth. There is nothing that gives me unwavering confidence. I have felt that unwavering confidence before when I had purpose, so I can feel that gap so deeply.

I feel like if I dive into Supp Benny head on that I may find some purpose. But I am completely overwhelmed with simply living a normal life that I become avoidant of everything. I have been dodging my emotions, and that is not right.

Tomorrow is another day.

Ok, here's the boring shit.

What I ate:

• Fairlife protein shake

• Turkey and cheese sandwich

• Ritz peanut butter crackers

• Herr's sour cream and onion chips

• David protein bar

• Pork gyoza

• 9 pieces of nigiri

• 2 sushi rolls

No exercise, but medication compliant.

What I spent:

• $6.24 - Coffee

• $70.00 - DMV

I really need to cut social media out of my life. I need to focus more on me. But that drive is missing.